The term silver lining is often used in the common expression "every cloud has a silver lining", meaning that even the worst events or situations have some positive aspect. Thanks to google I was today years old when I learned that the origin of the phrase seems to be John Milton's 1634 poem "Comus," which includes the line, "Was I deceived? or did a sable cloud/Turn forth her silver lining on the night?
It has been quite sometime since I last blogged about anything, so I invite you to grab a cup of coffee or tea, heck pour yourself a glass of wine and get comfy.
I find that motivational speaker's often are very open to their audience about their personal experiences. Whether it be good or bad they share very intimate details about their lives and how they got to where they wanted to go. You could say that they found their silver lining and in many ways they offer a different approach on how to reach a high level of perhaps wealth, happiness even health. Some have an amazing story to tell and well others may have had a very fortunate experience come their way that helped pave their road to success or perhaps a great wellness. But for some of us finding that silver lining when things aren't going as we would like is not an easy task and can at times seem hopeless. Todays blog is not a post that I am going to write and state that I have found the ultimate life success completed with the best silver lining but rather just one of honesty from one human to another about my personal journey to finding that silver lining while being in a less than perfect situation. Part of having this platform for writing content is that I can bitch and complain about anything and share my thoughts on any subject but I suppose also being true to providing relatable content is also making myself vulnerable and being honest with my readers, and being my truest self to me as well.
I can't really say where this story beings or when it all started but for many months, quite frankly maybe even a year I personally have been struggling with pain, not yet diagnosed but grasping at anything this is could be nerve pain, muscle/nerve pain , at this point like I said the confirmed diagnosis is still to be determined but let me just say that whatever the cause is that at times it is debilitating. I will say that a recent MRI of the cervical spine did come back with good results. And though I am most happy with those results it still doesn't give me any further information as to why I suffer on the daily with this pain. So trust me when I say finding the silver lining in this situation has been not easy for me. I have just recently started massage therapy for this, I suppose that would be a bit of a silver lining as it is a positive response as I finally after sitting for weeks on end of waiting for the MRI results at least a treatment plan can begin while awaiting for other testing to be completed. But, let me tell you that living with pain on the daily really can change a person.
My last day of work was July 17th, as my doctor felt it was best that I go off for medical reasons until I could get some diagnostic information in hope of getting a confirmation of diagnosis and like I mentioned I am still awaiting some tests. That is also the hard part, waiting for these appointments is enough to drive anyone insane when you are already suffering. You just wait, and try to try not to lose hope with the healthcare system, but as you all know my opinion of the system already isn't that great (the struggles for nursing) but now I am on the other side of it, and quite frankly it doesn't appear to be any better on this side either. Gosh my wife and I had to pay for a private MRI just so that I could start treatment, had we not have taken the funds to do that I would have waited until the end of September. That is way to long when you are off work and literally can't even start some type of treatment until you have certain confirmation from an MRI. I waited for months and months, one day got a letter in the mail back in July that I could get an appointment at the end of September. I could not wait that long with things getting worse and struggles with work and accommodation of shorter hours (that is a completely different blog) trust me on that one. Regardless, that is why we paid for a private MRI to speed up the treatment process.
But the really struggle is learning to live with pain, what at times feels like a permanent thing on the daily. It is during this time that you learn a lot about yourself and that is a "thing" in itself. It changes you, and at times it becomes quite heavy. Ask my wife, I will admit my patience is low and I am not always the easiest person to be around. (I know, I know that may come as a surprise to many of you 😂) The first few weeks of being off work I was unable to drive, actually could barely walk a straight line due to medication and all I could do was sit home here with a heating pad as my best friend. No work, but also no activity was extremely frustrating. Watching my wife go to work and still part take in her 100 activities she is involved in while I sat here at home was enough to drive me in sane. Not because she was leaving me here to sit, but because I didn't get to do the things that I like to do. Things like work, walking the dog, putting on my back pack and hiking, gosh just exploring nature, even driving, something as simple as hanging out laundry, my life changed, but hers just kept going. We had many discussions about this, and I was very expressive, we did eventually come to the agreement that if I'm sitting home here Monday thru Friday while she is living her best life lol than Saturday and Sunday are my days for getting out and at least doing something that is enjoyable even if I do know I will most likely suffer from it afterwards, I can not longer just sit and do nothing. I might as well be barefoot and pregnant lol and that I can assure you folks isn't even an option (its okay to laugh, I have to keep humour to this post 😂) But, hey I guess another silver lining has been found as weekends are something to look forward to. Considering we have cancelled camping trips, and a hiking trip to the Cabot Trail due to my health I suppose it is fair that one of our lives continue as normally as possible. Our plans have changed and that hasn't been fun for either of us. Bringing us to yet another silver lining, at the end of this month fingers crossed we will finally get to go camping and if I am unable to make the trip, I'm quite certain my wife and our youngest pup Ayla will be making this trip regardless.
Even if life is not where I want it to be at this particular moment, by writing and expressing today, I have in fact found a few silver linings in this difficult time. Due to being so damn frustrated with life lately I had basically just given up the idea of generating any type of content on here. I tried several times to write some sort of dialogue and just couldn't get anything to come out in the way I wanted to express it. Yet again another thing that gave me joy seemed to take a back seat because something else was just over riding it. Yet again, But another silver lining and this one comes from last evening as my wife and I went out in the Kayaks for a short time, and thus that leaves me here at home today in a chair with a heating pad, but the silver lining is that I found an idea and was able to put it into words for you to read. It's a good thing for me, it is easy to sit here and do nothing but focus on how I feel or try and put that focus on and into something else. Which today I was able to for the first time in a very long time.
You know folks, that answer is in the title, " there's g2b a better way", someday it is easier to find that than others, perhaps the Universe heard my cries of help, of me begging that something just has to give, and maybe if I can only enjoy small wins right now that this platform for expression is just one of those wins. That and my 45 min walk (most days) and an hour of kayaking if and when my body allows, walking the beach and taking pics, yes these are all wins and silver linings, definitely a change from my normal life and life activities, but I suppose I can take these as a win right now and take a deep breath knowing that life may have changed for now and hang onto the hope that it hasn't changed forever. Until next time, thanks for reading.
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Rhonda Roy (there's g2b a better way/itnowornever.ca)
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